Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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