I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
