Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
