turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
