i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
