Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Send help, water and tortillas.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
