Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Terrible idea I love it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
