I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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