good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
