How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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