It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
