I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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