If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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