This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
