I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
