Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
