We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
