Have you finally orgasmed yet?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
