Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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