Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
