how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
