i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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