I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
