What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
