Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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