At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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