I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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