Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
