Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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