No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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