O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
