I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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