Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
accomplished twins. life is a go
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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