i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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