dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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