Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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