god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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