Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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