this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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