I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
