So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am midnight drunk by noon
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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