Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
