and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
