Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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