almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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