I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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