got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
