There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
