The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
