you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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